Random Rant on Pants

Okay so this seems totally random, but I’m going with it. I’m driving back from my swim, ready to get back to work, and at a traffic light I’m watching a regular guy cross the street. He’s got his earbuds in, he’s got a white t-shirt on and jeans that slide down to hide any hint of a buttocks and make for short strides that remind me of a dragon (see there? there is some connection to some of my work life…I’m seeing evidence of dragons everywhere now!). And I think, “Who, I mean has anyone, ever, on the face of the planet, actually said (or even thought) ‘oh, hey, now that’s a really great look!'”

Apologies to the guys who’ve succumbed to this form of fashion – (or you can just consider me old and out of touch if you’d like) – but I think you should know that no one finds this attractive, no one thinks it looks cool or hot or even badass. It looks like you’re an overgrown toddler. Sorry. But true.

Or maybe it’s an anti-fashion statement. Or the fact that female fashions are more varied, you need to do something for attention? A rebellion against authority and/or what’s “socially acceptable”? Every generation has their statements to make, I get that. But that this one hasn’t gone away yet truly baffles me. Then there are the ones who go beyond “pants on the ground”, who’ve forgotten they have a waist at all. Do you think we (as in anyone, the universal “we”) want to see your boxers in full glory, your belt precariously fastened beneath your bottom? And for cryin’ out loud, you can’t, can not, tell me that’s remotely comfortable.

My daughter tells me it’s not that anyone thinks it looks good, it’s more that no one thinks it’s horrible enough to make a big deal about. It’s accepted. (Unintentionally she’s reminded me of the “whatever, I’ll do what I want and have it instantly” gene that’s taken hold in some of her generation.) Maybe it’s like bra straps showing. In my day (uh-oh, yep, showing my age here) that was a big no-no. Now it’s nothing; in fact it’s been scaled up to be part of a fashionable look. Still, I don’t see the connection to butt-less pants.

Then I realize, in a sudden flash of insight: You Don’t Care. And how sad is that.

And then I think, why is it that in almost every other species the male tries to impress the female. They are generally the more beautiful of the breed, more colorful, more industrious and resourceful about showing off their best selves. I’m not suggesting that guys should become flamboyant peacocks, but why go in what seems the opposite direction? And then I almost (almost) take it a step towards the sociology behind it and where the human male finds its place in the world today, in the aftermath of (and ongoing) feminism, after “Men are from Mars”, after being told they are irrelevant, too macho, too sensitive, after they get most of the blame for the awful things that happen in the world, and after too many father children they don’t know about nor care for, and after greed and corruption…… there’s a lot going on and maybe they’re just fed up trying to fit whatever mold they’re supposed to follow, because to be James Bond is basically impossible, so……. so they wear their pants in a really stupid way? And what does it say about one’s character if said pants are sagging?

Like I said, this was very random. And I have to add that of course, this little rant does not include all of male-dom, and in fact, there are many good, honest, stand-up guys out there (my father and brothers included). But I do wish that droopy pant-wearers would collectively decide to pull up their damn pants and be the authentic, strong individuals they had the potential to be when they were born. People may say it has nothing to do with that, that they’re fine, they’re just wearing dumb clothes, haven’t we all? But to me it feels deeper than a poor fashion statement. It feels like they’re literally hanging on by the thread of a poorly fastened belt, under the guise of “cool”.

Do you have any dreams? Do you know they don’t have to be pipe dreams, they can be real? (Because it looks like You Don’t Care. And what kind of life is that?) If you do, for starters you’ve got to get off the going-nowhere train, tidy up, think for yourself and stand tall. And wear your pants the way they were designed to fit.

End of rant!